[FOX SPORTS]

Today I bought new tires for my bicycle. Shew they went flat. Now what? I just paid $999.99 for one lousy can of fix-a-flat. Boy scouts are nicer smelling than your old stinky grandpa. That old geezer never washes his feet or his underwear. They make me want to eat chicken noodle soup and pass gas thru a funnel. Well, next thing you know I was sleeping outside the Salvation Army office in Ashland. When I was awoke by the sound of a car speeding toward me. I jumped up and ran straight for the plasma center. When I got there they gave me a pack of ever lasting gob stoppers and three cans of Coca Cola. I was so mad that I ran out the door. Staring danger in the face, I ran for the border.