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07-21-2008, 02:48 AM
I know we got a few jokesters here on BGR, so heres your chance to give us some good laughs. Here are a few blonde jokes:A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and tells the loan officer that she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The loan officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls-Royce, which is parked in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out, so the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
As the blonde leaves with the money, the bank's president and officers enjoy a good laugh at someone using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee moves the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it.
Two weeks later the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
As he hands the keys back to the blonde, the loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and the transaction has worked out very nicely. But we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked your records and found that you are a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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A Blonde, a Redhead and a Brunette go into a bar. The bartender tells them there is a magic mirror in the ladies room, if you say one true thing you will receive the desire of your heart, but if you tell a lie you will be sucked into the mirror forever.
The Redhead walks in and says, "I think I am the most intelligent woman here" and *poof* a million dollars falls in her hands. The Brunette walks in and say "I think I am the most beautiful woman here" and *poof* the keys to a mustang falls into her hands.
Next the Blonde walks in and says, "I think..." and *poof* she disappears into the mirror forever.
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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde explore Native Island. They get attacked by Natives. The Natives say, "We need your skin to make our boats, so either we kill you, or you can kill yourselves with honour." The girls of course chose to kill themselves with honour, so the Natives show them a plate of weapons.
The brunette takes a knife, "I just want every one of you to know that I love my boyfriend very much." And she falls dead.
The redhead takes a dagger, "I just want every one one of you to know that I was about to graduate." And she falls dead.
The blonde goes to the dinner table and takes a fork. She stabs herself all over once, "I just want everyone to know that your boat is going to leak!"
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Here is one that I have to add, but Ill probably regret it.
Q: How did we know that Princess Diane had dandruff?
A:Because her head and shoulders were in the glove box!
Q:Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diane?
A: Tiger knows how to pick his drivers!
The loan officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls-Royce, which is parked in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out, so the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
As the blonde leaves with the money, the bank's president and officers enjoy a good laugh at someone using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee moves the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it.
Two weeks later the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
As he hands the keys back to the blonde, the loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and the transaction has worked out very nicely. But we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked your records and found that you are a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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A Blonde, a Redhead and a Brunette go into a bar. The bartender tells them there is a magic mirror in the ladies room, if you say one true thing you will receive the desire of your heart, but if you tell a lie you will be sucked into the mirror forever.
The Redhead walks in and says, "I think I am the most intelligent woman here" and *poof* a million dollars falls in her hands. The Brunette walks in and say "I think I am the most beautiful woman here" and *poof* the keys to a mustang falls into her hands.
Next the Blonde walks in and says, "I think..." and *poof* she disappears into the mirror forever.
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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde explore Native Island. They get attacked by Natives. The Natives say, "We need your skin to make our boats, so either we kill you, or you can kill yourselves with honour." The girls of course chose to kill themselves with honour, so the Natives show them a plate of weapons.
The brunette takes a knife, "I just want every one of you to know that I love my boyfriend very much." And she falls dead.
The redhead takes a dagger, "I just want every one one of you to know that I was about to graduate." And she falls dead.
The blonde goes to the dinner table and takes a fork. She stabs herself all over once, "I just want everyone to know that your boat is going to leak!"
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Here is one that I have to add, but Ill probably regret it.
Q: How did we know that Princess Diane had dandruff?
A:Because her head and shoulders were in the glove box!
Q:Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diane?
A: Tiger knows how to pick his drivers!
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07-21-2008, 01:31 PM
Did you know that 95% of Americans, when they run their truck into a ditch say "OH S**T!"
The other 5% are from Kentucky and they say "Hold my BEER and watch this S**T!"
The other 5% are from Kentucky and they say "Hold my BEER and watch this S**T!"
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