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08-03-2012, 09:13 AM
1) When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
2) After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
3) By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
4) Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
5) The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
6) I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
7) "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
8) "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
9) "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
10) "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
11) Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
12) The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
13) You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
14) My wife and I were happy for twenty years.. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
15) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
16) Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
17) A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
18) First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
19) A thief stole my wife's credit card. I didn't report it because the thief spends less than my wife.
Sacha Guitry
2) After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
3) By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
4) Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
5) The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
6) I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
7) "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
8) "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
9) "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
10) "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
11) Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
12) The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
13) You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
14) My wife and I were happy for twenty years.. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
15) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
16) Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
17) A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
18) First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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08-03-2012, 11:52 AM
Marriage is grand....
Divorce is $20 grand...
Divorce is $20 grand...
08-03-2012, 12:24 PM
I call mine x-wife, so now i can laugh. Before i just cried.
08-03-2012, 01:21 PM
pitiful pitiful and pitiful
08-03-2012, 01:27 PM
Granny Bear Wrote:pitiful pitiful and pitiful
You mean the wives, right?????
nicker:
08-03-2012, 03:47 PM
lol
08-04-2012, 07:06 AM
What if YOUR wife read that??
08-04-2012, 10:39 AM
^ I'l tell her ALL the time..... 
08-04-2012, 11:07 AM
Wonder what she tells YOU???
:moon:
:moon:
08-04-2012, 11:20 AM
^ Whatever she say's, it's under her breath! I'm not listening anyhow so long as she knows her place! I'm a pretty easy going guy, I give her a lot of freedom after she does the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and takes care of all my needs......
08-04-2012, 05:01 PM
you forgot child care
08-04-2012, 11:59 PM
Getting married in November 
08-05-2012, 12:06 AM
Granny Bear Wrote:you forgot child care
Oh DA@#, I forgot about them!!!
08-05-2012, 12:07 AM
Wildcatk23 Wrote:Getting married in November
I am Sooooooooooo, Sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy:igiveup:
08-05-2012, 11:15 PM
Dusty wears the pants around his house nicker:
nicker:
08-06-2012, 12:28 AM
^Yep, When she isn't home...lol.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
âRelax, all right? Donât try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, theyâre fascist. Throw some ground balls â itâs more democratic.â
Crash Davis
08-07-2012, 07:23 AM
You, know those that run their mouth the most are normally the ones that are.....well.....you know.
I'll bet Dusty & Gut ask their wives if it's okay for them to go outside to play!
nicker:
I'll bet Dusty & Gut ask their wives if it's okay for them to go outside to play!
nicker:
08-07-2012, 10:53 AM
Wildcatk23 Wrote:Getting married in November
:Sad04:
:getwell:
08-07-2012, 02:21 PM
Granny Bear Wrote:You, know those that run their mouth the most are normally the ones that are.....well.....you know.
I'll bet Dusty & Gut ask their wives if it's okay for them to go outside to play!
I dont have to ask, she post a schedule of play times low enough on the fridge so i can see it.:Shaking:
08-17-2012, 03:06 PM
It would appear that you interchanged the words wife and husband......
An elderly man pondered whether his wifeâs hearing was deteriorating. One night he crept up behind the sofa where she was seated and said " Darling, can you hear anything?". No response. So he moved a bit closer and asked her again. Still no response. He then moved right up to her ear and asked again. She shouted "For the third damn time Albert, yes I can hear you".
My wife has never really thought much of me. Only the other night she turned to
me and said "George, do you know that you are stopping some small village
having an idiot".
After 40 years of marriage, I took my wife to a hotel room where they had a
waterbed - or as she called it the following morning "the Dead Sea".
According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
nicker:
An elderly man pondered whether his wifeâs hearing was deteriorating. One night he crept up behind the sofa where she was seated and said " Darling, can you hear anything?". No response. So he moved a bit closer and asked her again. Still no response. He then moved right up to her ear and asked again. She shouted "For the third damn time Albert, yes I can hear you".
My wife has never really thought much of me. Only the other night she turned to
me and said "George, do you know that you are stopping some small village
having an idiot".
After 40 years of marriage, I took my wife to a hotel room where they had a
waterbed - or as she called it the following morning "the Dead Sea".
According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
nicker:
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