[Crossbones]

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'guys.'

I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the shots and beers went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her 'MIDNIGHT'... she didn't seem ****ed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked her why, she said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh ****.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!