[ronald reagan]

I would go as far to say that I was racist as a child and adolescent. I went through 14 years of school in eastern kentucky.... and from the day of my birth, until I was 19-20, I had never spoken to a person of another race. It wasn't out of desire, but because I had never went to school with another, nor traveled much. I *might* have passed by a black or mexican man, and exchanged a 'hi" once or twice. But as far as a full sentence, or anything resembling a conversation. Growing up in Pike County, I was raised by a preacher and an angel of a mother. But there was something inherent about my belief system. I, and everyone I knew and associated with, frequently exchanged 'black jokes'. An occassional N-Word was dropped. Girls that we knew who dated black men were 'disgusting'. I also remember when my football team played a local school with a black guy, they went to the town during the middle of the night and spray painted racial slurs on the road leading to us. At the time, it was funny. Things changed slowly at first for me -- I moved to Lexington and was exposed to more ethnic backgrounds. This was at 20 years old, in 2002.

I still remember the day, place, name, and exact conversation I had with the first Muslim I had ever met. This was less than a year after 9/11. His name was a black man from Somalia named Adam, it was at the Amazon fulfillment warehouse in Lexington off Mercer. He explained to me the things that were in common with Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. Now, did I jump at the chance to make a friend out of him? No. Nor did I go out and start donating to CAIR or the NAACP. It wasn't until I was 25 and joined the Army that I left behind the "me of Kentucky".

My bunkmate/battle buddy was a fellow named Shelton Ard. A massive beast of a black man from Gulf Port, Mississippi. Seriously, he was built like Shannon Sharpe with Tyrese looks. He was a straight up thug, and I was scared to absolute death to be around him. I watched him during a combative class win against every person in my platoon over the course of 90 minutes. The platoon sergeant then decided to have a little fun and allow him to take on two at once. Again, he won. Then the day came that he and I were chosen to fight each other in a Pugil Stick tournament. I had won easily in the previous two fights. But again, this guy was a monster. I'm pretty sure he was the leader of the gulf of mexico cartel, and had killed people.I went as hard as I possibly could in the first 30 seconds. I figured it was my only chance to win. He had stamina and strength that I couldn't come close to. Then it happened -- He blacked my eye, busted my nose, and split open my gum with one hit to the face. WITH A HEAVILY PADDED PUGIL STICK. I knew I was afraid of him for a reason. But it turns out that I wasn't nearly as scared of him physically as I was of his skin color. Again, I remember the day, time, place, name, and conversation like it was yesterday. He asked me point blank if I had ever had a black friend before. I hadn't, and I didn't want to tell him so. But I didn't even need to answer, because he could tell. And he said something to me that I'll never ever forget: "Don't answer buddy... Its yes. I'm your friend." I broke down in tears, realizing that I was afflicted with the most horrible and dreaded disease -- hate. I hated blacks, yet didn't have any reason other than fear. He tore down my walls. HE became one of the best friends I've ever had. And I became HIS best man when he got married.

And when I got to my permanent duty station @ Fort Lews, I was given a black room mate. For the next 4 years I lived in a room about the size of a large bathroom with this guy. Hewitt Watson from Detroit. By the time I left the army, 80% of my closest group of friends were of another ethnicity. 3 Blacks, 2 Latino, 1 Native American, 1 Israeli, and 1 Pakistani Muslim.

Looking back on it all, I remember them telling us that they were going to 'tear us down and apart, then build us back up again.' And they did. They tore apart the Kentucky version of me, and rebuilt me into a color blind American. And I'll be forever grateful to them for that.

America isn't now, nor ever will be free of racism. Too many of us are taught it from birth. Even when its subtle, it still leaves an imprint on our souls. I live in Virginia now, and Charlottesville was one of the saddest things I've witnessed in the past decade or so. Here in Williamsburg Virginia (my hometown), I have worked at the Republican county headquarters for the past several years. One of the most disgusting displays of racism came from within those walls. I was running the office one day, when a group of would-be volunteers came in to be trained for their jobs. The group was about 6 people in size. I think it included 4 women and 2 men. All were successful businessmen and women, from the looks of it anyways. They drove caddilacs and bmw's. All were over 60 years old and the two men were on the board for the homeowners association at one of the most prestigous gated communities on the east coast: King's Mill. One of the men, when I introduced myself, saw that I had an Army shirt on. He asked me if I had served, and I nodded yes. He then described what his time in Vietnam was like. He proceeded to tell me that he had it easy as an Army Officer, and that he made sure that his white troops had it easy as well. The other guy said, "The army wasn't segregated then?" and he replied, "No... unfortunately. But within my platoon, it might as well had been. *chuckles*". I intervened and told them that it was unacceptable conversation, and not only take it outside, but to leave the premises.... About that time, the little old church ladies spoke up and told me to mind my own business. Blacks have it easy today because of white people who work and pay their welfare check. They should be on their knees thanking us for all we do for 'those people'. And then it concluded with the man who wasn't in the army, saying something to the effect of -- "Dirty, disgusting, lazy, and smelly. Thats what you are -- N*ggers have rubbed that off on you."

I know first-hand what a racist is. I was one. And it saddens me to see it alive and well. What will it take to move past this disgraceful period in our nation's history?