[Beef]

I thought that some of these were really funny.....


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
>
> After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
>
> The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the
> pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
> nervous, I take a sip."
>
>
>
> So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
> At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
>
> He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>
> Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note
> on the door:
> 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
> 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
> 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
> 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
> 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
> 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
> 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
> the spook.
> 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
> 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say
> he was stoned off his ass.
> 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
> 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and
> eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" ..
>
>
> 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
> 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
> grub, Yeah God.
> 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a
> peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.