[The Sniper]

Recently the Sniper underwent a 36-hour life threatening emergency surgery. The Sniper was near death and had to be resuscitated and shocked back to life twice during this traumatic ordeal. The Sniper’s family was called in to say their last goodbyes and a priest gave the Sniper his last rights. Even the Sniper began walking toward the light and had accepted his fate. But as the Sniper walked into the light and found his way to those heavenly streets of gold leading up to the pearly gates the Sniper noticed there sat old’ St. Pete himself. :AngelPray

St. Pete opened the gates wide and said, “Welcome home ol’ courageous one”.

The Sniper gladly passed through the pearly gates. However, as the Sniper passed and the gates began to close behind him, the Sniper paused and looked at St. Pete, and then asked, “When can I start killing [COLOR="DarkOrange"]yella bellies in heaven?" [/COLOR]

St. Pete said “Oh no my brave son! Even those worthless, dung headed, degenerate, depraved, half witted, cowardly [COLOR="darkorange"]yella bellies are protected here in heaven” [/COLOR]

At that moment the Sniper’s face began to snarl, his teeth began to grin, and his fists were clinched, and then the Sniper replied “Then let me the #*!! outta here St. Pete!” :Angry07:

“I’ve already found heaven on earth! Death Valley”. “There I can kill all the [COLOR="DarkOrange"]yella bellies the Sniper wants!"[/COLOR] The Sniper pleaded

“There I can kill all the low down, dirty rotten, vile, vulgar, vulture vomit, turd nugget, unholy spawned [COLOR="DarkOrange"]yella bellies I want”. [/COLOR]

Amazed St. Pete said “Are you sure my audaciously spirited son?”

“Yes” the Sniper instantly replied, “I was put on earth to kill [COLOR="DarkOrange"]yella bellies, AND the Sniper is #@** good at it too”[/COLOR]

“Oh, there’s no doubt the Sniper’s the best there is, the best there ever was, and the best there ever will be” St. Pete stated “However, [COLOR="darkgreen"]the Sniper is too close to death to return to battle”[/COLOR]

The Sniper then said “Please [COLOR="DarkRed"]St. Pete, is there anyway the Sniper can return to Death Valley and kill more yella bellies ?”[/COLOR] :please:

“Only one way my audaciously bold courageous son” said St. Pete

“How?” asked the Sniper [COLOR="DarkGreen"]“The Sniper will do anything to kill yella bellies again!”[/COLOR]

[COLOR="DarkGreen"]“Sniper, my fearlessly valiant son, you must simply wear some kind of protection to cover your life threatening fresh wound from the surgery!” [/COLOR]continued St. Pete “There’s no way even such a brave soul as [COLOR="DarkGreen"]the Sniper could survive a direct hit to such a serious fresh wound”[/COLOR]

“No way” said the Sniper

Then seeing there was no way in #*!! the Sniper would agree to his terms the wise old owl St. Pete sweetened the pot, by then saying [COLOR="DarkGreen"]“Sniper if you agree to my terms, and only ware the protection twice until your wound has completely healed, I’ll allow you to return to battle against the yella bellies two weeks before the doctor, who heroically saved your life, recommended.”[/COLOR]

Blinded by the opportunity to kill more yella bellies, the Sniper reluctantly agreed