07-08-2010, 09:55 PM
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold up?". "Terrorists have just kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom or they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire." "We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asked "On average, how much is everyone giving?" The man replied "About a gallon.
Ex-Governor Bush Called Former President Clinton one afternoon.
"Hello, Bill? It's Dubya. Say, I've been meanin' ta ask ya sumthin'. How did you do so well with the ladies when you were president?"
"I'll tell ya, George. The trick is to dazzle them with charm and intelligent conversation."
"Yeah, but what can I do?" asked Bush.
Clinton paused. "Well, George, if all else fails, try puttin' a potato down your pants. That works every time."
The next week, Bush called Clinton again.
"Bill? Dubya. Laura was in Crawford over the weekend and I got to go stag to the embassy ball. I tried the potato trick, but all the ladies kept their distance."
"I know, I saw the ball on C-SPAN," laughed Clinton. "Next time, try puttin' the potato down the front of your pants.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, âExcuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I donât know where I am.â
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, âYouâre in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.â
âShe rolled her eyes and said, âYou must be an Obama Democrat.â
âI am,â replied the man. âHow did you know?â
âWell,â answered the balloonist, âeverything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and Iâm still lost. Frankly, youâve not been much help to me.â
The man smiled and responded, âYou must be a Republican.â
âI am,â replied the balloonist. âHow did you know?â
âWell,â said the man, âyou donât know where you are or where you are going. Youâve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. Youâre in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now itâs my fault.â"
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold up?". "Terrorists have just kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom or they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire." "We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asked "On average, how much is everyone giving?" The man replied "About a gallon.
Ex-Governor Bush Called Former President Clinton one afternoon.
"Hello, Bill? It's Dubya. Say, I've been meanin' ta ask ya sumthin'. How did you do so well with the ladies when you were president?"
"I'll tell ya, George. The trick is to dazzle them with charm and intelligent conversation."
"Yeah, but what can I do?" asked Bush.
Clinton paused. "Well, George, if all else fails, try puttin' a potato down your pants. That works every time."
The next week, Bush called Clinton again.
"Bill? Dubya. Laura was in Crawford over the weekend and I got to go stag to the embassy ball. I tried the potato trick, but all the ladies kept their distance."
"I know, I saw the ball on C-SPAN," laughed Clinton. "Next time, try puttin' the potato down the front of your pants.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, âExcuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I donât know where I am.â
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, âYouâre in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.â
âShe rolled her eyes and said, âYou must be an Obama Democrat.â
âI am,â replied the man. âHow did you know?â
âWell,â answered the balloonist, âeverything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and Iâm still lost. Frankly, youâve not been much help to me.â
The man smiled and responded, âYou must be a Republican.â
âI am,â replied the balloonist. âHow did you know?â
âWell,â said the man, âyou donât know where you are or where you are going. Youâve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. Youâre in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now itâs my fault.â"